A Season of Sadness and Praise
A few days have passed since this event, and tears are still in my eyes as I begin to type this. For this one, like many of my blogs, I have to take a little trip back in time to make it evidently clear as to why this is a big deal.
In May, I got a text from my great- uncle, he was telling me that my great-grandfather did not have much time left, and told me that he would love to see me. Something to know about my great-grandfather (I call him grandpa), he battled with Alzheimer's for many years before his passing which happened on Saturday afternoon. I went to the home that my grandpa was staying at to see him, I got to see him three times in May, it was hard to get over there since it was an hour away and I was working two jobs and going to school. I made it down there on a Tuesday afternoon right after I got out of school and I signed in and walked over to meet my family and him at a little table in the dining hall. I sat next to him, and he just smiled and he held my hand. He couldn’t speak much, but my family, who I had not seen in many many years as they are on my biological dad’s side of the family, filled me in on what had happened in the years I didn’t see them.
Anyways, I sat next to him and he just smiled and held my hand for a few hours. That night I cried a lot in my car. I went by myself to visit him a few days later. My uncle had told me that his whole left side was now paralyzed and for that my heart broke. I held his hand, and he talked to me as much as he could. Then, he started to try and get up from his wheelchair and when I said “grandpa, what are you doing?” he said, “I’ll go watch you.” My heart was in shock, everyone told me that he would not remember me at all. When I was little and I would go over there, I asked him to watch me play. When he saw me, this is what he was remembering. Then, something even crazier happened. As he tried to get up, he moved his left leg.
This last weekend, I went to Austin for his funeral. I was blessed to get to read a beautiful poem at the funeral and while this was so difficult I literally thought I was going to vomit, it was also rewarding. The poem reads:
“God saw you were getting tired
A cure was not to be
So, he put his arms around you
And whispered, ‘come to me.’
With tearful eyes we watched you
suffer and fade away
And although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest
God broke our hearts to prove
He only takes the best!”
I am sure y’all can see how that would feel emotional to read, but I think a lot of good came from this. I got to see a ton of family who I hadn't seen in years, some of which I haven't even talked to since I was really really little.
I am saying all of this not to throw a pity party for myself, but to just remind everyone: see the good and see the Jesus in every situation, even the hard ones. Especially the hard ones. It is so easy to praise God when things go the way we plan for them to but it is so much harder to praise him in the tough times. So, when it starts feeling hard (college kids I’m talking to you, mid terms are upon us), trust Jesus. When we are weak, He is strong and rest easily in the fact that he is strong for you. The burden you carry, or the cross you have on your back, Jesus has already taken care of. Rejoice in the Lord’s work every day and remember to be thankful towards the ever graceful Lord.
This also goes out to a dear friend who passed last week, I love you Harrison. I credit you to my positive attitude. Rest easy buddy.
Thank you very much for reading, and have a blessed evening!!
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wife // local kids pastor // mama to my heaven boy + my rainbow girl