An open letter to the one who gave everything for me:
I know I am a mess, I cry so much and every time I break my own heart with the things of the world, you are there to pick up all my pieces and put me back together. Thank you for that and for so much more.Thank you for loving me endlessly even when I don’t deserve it, I never deserve it. You are so kind to me and forgiving and at times I just become so overwhelmed with your love and it’s amazing.
Other times I don’t feel your love, and that’s not your fault. Sometimes I just sit alone in my room and I think about everything I am doing wrong and I start to distance myself because I feel so undeserving of the love you give me and the grace and the mercy. There are times when I shout at you, I scream and ask why you would do this, why you would let bad things happen to good people. I’m sorry I get angry, I know your ways are good, and you are good, I know that I will never understand your plan fully but I know you have a plan that is good and your love for me is so much grander than I will ever understand. I love you so much daddy, you are a good good dad.
I know we don’t talk as much as we would both like to, I would love to blame it on business, but you and I both know that’s a lame excuse. Truth me told, I get nervous to come back to you sometimes because I know how much I have messed up, I get nervous that maybe I have messed up one too many times, and I have walked away one too many times for you to let me back into your heart. Saying all of this now, I mean it all sounds so silly. I know that you love me more than I will ever be able to love and more than I will ever be able to comprehend and I know that I always have a place in your heart and in your home. I know that you sent your son to die on the cross so I could be with you. I know that you both love me so much and I am so thankful for that. I love you. In Romans it is said “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all of creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38).
At times I just sit and think about what that means. Nothing, literally nothing can separate me from the love you have for me. No matter how much I mess up and run back to you and run away and run back, you love me through every moment of that. You are infinite and you are with me forever and always. Thank you so much God, I love you so so so much, thank you for all you are and all you do. My heart longs to be with you forever.
I love you.
A daughter of the one true king.
wife // local kids pastor // mama to my heaven boy + my rainbow girl